In Louisiana, we briefly had an opportunity to see the most ironic thing in the galaxy. It was spectacular, fleeting, and nothing like it will likely happen again, like a giant star going supernova, or Lou Bega’s “Mambo #5.” Alas, it’s over now, so all that’s left, if you missed it, is for me to describe it to you.
Imagine if you will a social movement whose truth is so universal that the name of it becomes instantly synonymous with justice: The Guardian Angels, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, you know what I’m talking about. And the only people who hate those movements are the ones whose transgressions are highlighted — or even corrected — by the members and the societal awareness they bring.
Now imagine someone tried to put a face on that movement, as though that person were responsible for everything that happened whenever the name of the movement was uttered.
Oh, okay, you read the headline. I’ll stop beating around the bush.
A cop in Baton Rouge got hit by a rock during a protest last year. That rock was thrown by a person at a Black Lives Matter event, staged to protest the literal murder of black people across the country by cops. Specifically, this event was in response to the murder of Alton Sterling by officers Howie Lake II and Blane Salamoni in Baton Rouge. In what must have seemed like the greatest idea in the world inside the unnamed officer’s tiny racist brain, he decided he was going to sue Black Lives Matter. You know, that guy in the hat over there. No, I’m kidding. BLM is of course not a person.
And that’s exactly what the federal judge found when the cop brought it to court, unfortunately ending the opportunity to point and laugh at a jackass who thought he could sue an IDEA.
‘Black Lives Matter,’ as a social movement, cannot be sued…in a similar way that a person cannot plausibly sue other social movements such as the Civil Rights movement, the LGBT rights movement or the Tea Party movement.”
That was part of a two-dozen-page ruling handed down by Chief Judge Brian “The Brain” Jackson, who Fox News’ Judge Jeanine was quick to point out was appointed by — GASP — President Obama. Judge Jeanine was pretty angry that DeRay Mckesson, the activist and former school administrator that the cop attempted to name in the suit — despite not being the person who threw the rock — was awarded lawyer’s fees in the suit. She didn’t quite call it that, though:
— deray mckesson (@deray) September 29, 2017
It was a terrible and beautiful explosion of brains on the right when they realized that, like you can’t fight a war on a noun, you also can’t sue an idea.
Featured image via Joshua Lott/Getty Images
Andrew hates long walks on the beach, glitter, and men’s rights activists. He can usually be found with his long-suffering wife, who can usually be found asking him to please not order onions on that burger, babe.