Bristol Palin is mad as hell at Gawker and she’s not gonna take it anymore. Long before the emotional scars of their feeding frenzy at her and her family’s expense and nearly a week after they ceased operations, Palin finally gave Gawker a piece of her mind.
In a strongly worded piece on her Patheos blog, which is perfectly optimized for ads on such an article, Palin let loose on Gawker about the seven dastardly lies they supposedly told about her and her family. We like to call them “The seven times the liberal blogosphere was introduced to awesome stories about the Palins because of Gawker,” but that’s because, you know, we’re all kinds of biased against stupid people, especially if their last name is “Palin” or “Duggar.”
Here are the seven “lies” and Poor little Bristol’s angst at having to endure them:
OK, I have to admit, this one was a bit silly. There was something about a hospital band and a date that didn’t add up, plus some pictures of Thanksgiving that should have been Christmas or vice versa. Still, even if it was silly, the reaction was priceless. Bristol ended up rage-tweeting pictures from the hospital and then deleting them out of sheer embarrassment.
Gawker – 1, Palin – 0.
Here’s the thing, Bristol. Your mom isn’t a close aide to the president. She’s never been a close aide to anyone. She certainly wasn’t White House Press Secretary. When she used the term, “his shuck and jive shtick,” she wasn’t mimicking Jay Carney, she was being a racist douchebag. She bobbed her head back and forth like a bad joke from 1973. She added a bit of what she probably thought was an “ebonic” accent. It was disrespectful and stupid, much like the bulk of her political career.
Gawker – 2, Palin – 0.
“My mom” is quite the recurring theme, isn’t it? Well, dearest, when your mom is an idiot who was thrust into the national spotlight 163 years before she was fully prepared to be, she’s bound to take a bit of heat. When Gawker said, “Sarah Palin is officially endorsing Donald Trump for President of the United States. Which is why Sarah Palin is currently screaming at a room of crazed Trump supporters about a future with their Dear Leader—specifically, a future in which they’ll be able to “do their job and KICK ISIS ASS!!!!!”, they weren’t making fun of her for wanting to defeat ISIS, they were making fun of her for dragging out yet another drunken rant, publicly, with the cameras on.
When Sarah Palin makes a fool of herself, people listen.
Gawker – 3, Palin – 0.
Martin Bashir never actually said that but Gawker certainly did:
During his show on Friday, MSNBC host Martin Bashir correctly noted the idiocy of Sarah Palin comparing the federal debt to slavery. And then he suggested that someone should sh*t in her mouth.
To point out the absurdity of comparing debt to the horrors of slavery, Bashir read a summary of the diary of Thomas Thistlewood, a famously cruel overseer of slaves in the late 18th century.
After emphasizing the fact that sh-tting and pissing in a slave’s mouth was an acceptable and regular punishment for Thistlewood—and that the consequences of debt are nothing at all like that, Bashir brings Palin back into the mix.
Shorter version of Bashir’s monologue: Sarah Palin is “truly qualified” to have someone forcefully sh*t in her mouth.
That you couldn’t make that connection and blamed it on an MSNBC Host is really pretty sad.
I’m awarding Gawker 2 points for this one.
Gawker – 5, Palin – 0
OK, let’s put this in perspective. Chick Fil-A was in the middle of a story that was trending nationally suggesting that they are anti-LGBT, because they are. Right in the middle of it, your mom makes it a point to have her picture taken eating there. She couldn’t have been more clear if she had flown to Indiana to eat at Memories Pizza. Your mother is and always has been anti-gay. Please try not to be so stupid.
Gawker – 6, Palin – 0.
Gawker didn’t say it first, Roger Ailes did when he said she was hired because “she’s hot.” For the record, not everyone thinks so. There’s a certain amount of attractiveness a woman loses when she constantly proves how out of touch with reality and incredibly stupid she is. Yes, she has a degree in journalism it took her 6 years and 5 schools to achieve, but other than short stints as a sports correspondent and weather person, she has no practical journalism experience. She’s about as qualified to discuss politics on Fox News as…everyone else at Fox News. Okay. I guess we’ll give you this one, considering Fox News hires all of their women for their looks.
Okay. I guess we’ll give you this one, considering Fox News hires all of their women for their looks.
Gawker – 6, Palin – 1.
Awww, Bristol. Don’t take it so hard. You were so down and out about being pregnant and knew what was about to happen. You spent months listening to us liberals call you a hypocrite for being an abstinence counselor when you couldn’t be bothered to practice it yourself. You knew how difficult it would be and Gawker was just offering you a simple, inexpensive solution. Now that you’ve had your daughter — and she’s adorable by the way — we’ve all gone back to not giving a sh*t about you at all.
Gawker 7, Palin – 1.
What the final score shows is that Bristol Palin needs to do what her mom, who is obviously her hero, suggests and “suck it up, buttercup.” Tossing an article like this at Gawker when she knows they won’t respond was just weak and foolish. Otherwise known as “Palin.”
Don’t worry. I’ll make sure plenty of people get to point at you and laugh for many years to come in good old Gawker fashion. Maybe your mom can call Hulk Hogan’s lawyer and have him send me a threatening letter.
Featured image via Getty