Donald Trump has promised us that he will build a wall. He will build the bestest wall in the whole wide world. His wall is going to be fabulous and perfect. His wall is going to be so great it is going to keep all of the brown people with funny accents out of America. He knows how to build walls…but apparently his supporters, even the ones who are real builders, do not have such wonderful life skills.
Robert Marini of Colonie, N.Y. put a “Trump: Make America Great Again” sign up in his yard…it was stolen. So, Marini put another sign up and it, too, was snatched from his yard. He put six more campaign signs up and every single one of them was plucked from his yard. After the seventh sign was taken from him, Marini decided he was gonna build his eighth sign some protection. So, the Trump fanboy set out to secure his big beautiful sign with barbed wire, flood lights and notices warning would-be thieves that they would be prosecuted if he caught them taking his pride possession:
Guess what happened next? Yes, the sign was stolen.
Marini told the Times Union that the thieves had to be liberals:
I don’t have enough time in my life to go around stealing Bernie Sanders signs or Hillary Clinton signs. It’s not something that I even thought about doing. Everybody’s got a right to free speech, right? At least we think so in America today. But some people on the left don’t believe in that, so they just take what’s not theirs.
Damn you liberals! Why are you always going around and taking what is not yours?! How dare you steal from hard-working Americans? Oh wait, no, that’s Trump who does that with all of his get-richer quick schemes like Trump University. My bad.
Anywho, after Mr. Super Fan had his eighth sign stolen, he decided that he was going to make an even more secure pen for it made out of chicken wire, more warning notices and a tiny American flag to bless the sign:
It looks very safe! Surely nobody would snatch that one! According to the Times Union:
Despite new security measures — including chicken wire and flood lights — that Marini showed CapCon over the weekend, a ninth theft occurred after midnight Sunday night.
Grainy black-and-white security camera footage, screenshots of which Marini sent us, shows a thief (it appears to be a man in a dark long-sleeve shirt or sweatshirt) reaching over the fencing to pluck the sign out of the ground and take off at 12:30 a.m.
Here’s a grainy photo of the most wanted man in N.Y.:
Now, politicians are getting involved in Marini’s battle to save his disappearing sign. On Monday, Republican U.S. Senate candidate Wendy Long called on Democrats to denounce the mean sign thieves.
“The thefts, vandalism, and trespass on the private property of those displaying signs has been reported in Rockland County, Albany County, and Erie County, and given what we have heard, it is likely more widespread than this,” Long said. “In one case, a female volunteer with our signs was assaulted by an angry motorist who pulled a violent U-turn to come back and scream at her and then ripped away some of our signs.”
I don’t know what is funnier, the fact that this guy is wasting so much time protecting his Trump sign or the fact that a politician is now getting involved in his “Save The Trump Sign” campaign. Both demonstrate just how stupid Trump supporters are and although we do not ever condone theft, we kinda hope the bandit is never captured — if nothing else, the entertainment value of this saga is pretty priceless.
Featured image via Spencer Platt/Getty Images; screenshot