Of all the jobs in the Trump administration, the title of Director of Strategic Communications must be perhaps the most ironically named.
The “communications” that come out of the White House are certainly strategic, but the strategy is a failure outside those who will automatically love everything about Donald Trump.
That is the case once again with a statement released Monday by Hope Hicks, the spokeswoman with the aforementioned title affixed to her MAGA badge:
Everyone in the streets and the windows said, ‘Oh, how fine are the Emperor’s new clothes! Don’t they fit him to perfection? And see his long train!’ Nobody would confess that he couldn’t see anything, for that would prove him either unfit for his position, or a fool. No costume the Emperor had worn before was ever such a complete success.”
Wait. I think I copy-pasted the wrong part there. Hang on. Okay, here it is:
President Trump has a magnetic personality and exudes positive energy, which is infectious to those around him. He has an unparalleled ability to communicate with people, whether he is speaking to a room of three or an arena of 30,000. He has built great relationships throughout his life and treats everyone with respect. He is brilliant with a great sense of humor … and an amazing ability to make people feel special and aspire to be more than even they thought possible.”
THERE we go. That’s the bullshit I was looking for.
The statement came in response to an article from Trump-alleged “Fake News” outlet The Washington Post, in which the studious Ashley Parker did an in-depth examination of the Fair-Haired Wonder Boy’s “snubs and slights,” and how they are woven into the beautiful fabric of the Emperor’s administrative style.
It’s hard to decide which parts of the statement are more hilarious. Is it the claim of “positive energy” gushing forth from the hate-spewing misogynist? Is it the portraiture of Donald “SAD LOSERS” Trump as an eloquent speaker? Is it somehow spinning the wit of a 12-year-old boy into a “sense of humor” befitting the President of the United States?
I think it’s probably the respect part. If there is a defining attribute of Donald Trump’s style, it is a singular lack of respect for literally anyone in the universe. I would say that he doesn’t even respect himself, but I don’t think he’s smart enough to understand that he makes a fool of himself daily.
The self-contradictory press release from Ms. Hicks is scrutinized in more detail by The Washington Post‘s Callum Borchers here. If you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to this fascinating tale by Hans Christian Andersen.
Featured image via Shawn Thew/Getty Images
Andrew hates long walks on the beach, glitter, and men’s rights activists. He can usually be found with his long-suffering wife, who can usually be found asking him to please not order onions on that burger, babe.