Sunday, after taking time out of his busy schedule to be a complete ass on Twitter regarding the terrorist attack in London Saturday, Donald Trump took off for his favorite…
You know what? No. We are not going to discuss Trump’s goddamn golfing.
Everybody’s going to have the same article anyway. Let’s get some facts out of the way real quick, and then we’ll talk about something more pleasant:
Okay, well, I’m still in a golf frame of mind. I guess we’ll talk about golf. BUT NOT TRUMP.
Did you know that the origins of golf are pretty hotly disputed? Not the game we play now, of course — we all agree that was invented in Scotland, where a certain somebody is trying to build a new course, and just fired the environmentalists who were in place to make sure he didn’t eradicate any entire species or anything. Anyway, the origins of golf, where were we? Oh yeah, China. Lots of people believe that it was invented there, because of this old scroll, which depicts some ancient guys killing time whacking a ball around until they could finally get around to inventing climate change.
The first championship golf game ever played in Scotland was in 1860, the same year Lincoln was elected here, biding his time before revealing to our 45th president and the rest of the world that he was a Republican. Republicans love golf. Full circle.
So did we learn anything today? Personally, I learned that if you type “golf” enough times, it doesn’t even look like a word anymore. I’ll bet Donald learned that old golfers never die, they just…
Oh, never mind.
Featured image via Jeff J. Mitchell/Getty Images
Andrew hates long walks on the beach, glitter, and men’s rights activists. He can usually be found with his long-suffering wife, who can usually be found asking him to please not order onions on that burger, babe.