There are few constants in life, but it almost seemed that Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz would forever be leading pointless witch hunts related to people he hates. Chaffetz, a key player in the investigations into Hillary Clinton’s emails, Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi, and Benghazi, has always been a man who refuses to quit even when every single fact contradicts his narrative.
While the Congressman’s disgusting viewpoints have never been a problem for him back home in heavily conservative Utah, his recent refusals to so much as consider actually investigating the Trump administration’s mounting pile of connections to Russia. His aversion to facts has become so prominent, so disgusting, that his constituents are revolting — and not in the sense that Chaffetz is a revolting person. The other definition.
Perhaps Chaffetz realized he had no chance when he showed up to a town hall in February ready for it to be the cozy event town halls usually are and found a horde of angry voters who didn’t give two shits nor a fuck about his favorite color — they wanted him to actually do his job and investigate The Donald. Maybe he realized he was boned when his opponent managed to raise more than $561,000 following Chaffet’ assertion that the poor should spend their money on health insurance rather than the iPhones they already can’t afford. Maybe he realized he would probably lose when someone put up a billboard in Provo asking why he refuses to investigate Russia:
— U Work 4 Utah (@uwork4utah) April 11, 2017
In any case Chaffetz, who claims he is popular and loved in spite of literally everything pointing in the other direction, says he is going to quit while he’s ahead and go back to knitting or something (or a private sector job that would be very lucrative under the Trump administration).
“After long consultation with my family and prayerful consideration, I have decided I will not be a candidate for any office in 2018,” Mr. Benghazi wrote on Facebook Wednesday, adding that everyone loves him and he could win if he wanted to run which he totally doesn’t so there!:
“For those that would speculate otherwise, let me be clear that I have no ulterior motives. I am healthy. I am confident I would continue to be re-elected by large margins. I have the full support of Speaker Ryan to continue as Chairman of the Oversight and Government Reform Committee. That said, I have made a personal decision to return to the private sector.”
Fortunately, people aren’t as stupid as he thinks they are:
Goodbye, Jason. You very obviously won’t be missed.
Featured image via screengrab
John Prager is an unfortunate Liberal soul who lives uncomfortably in the middle of a Conservative hellscape.
Prager spends much of his time poking Trump’s meth-addled, uneducated fans with a pointy stick and is currently writing a book of muskrat recipes (not really) as well as putting together a scrapbook of his favorite death threats. His life’s aspiration is to rule the world with an iron fist, or find that sock he’s been looking for.