Scott Adams is a strange man. The author of the comic Dilbert, which is about the surreal nature of the business world, is a major league Trump fan and has gone so far as to compare himself to Trump — positively, mind you. The context was not self-depreciative.
I have no opinion of him myself. I was never a fan of the comic, and his famous Dilbert principle is just a retread of the Peter principle.
Still, he’s a Trump fan, and he compared himself to Trump positively, so you know that we’re in for a story this weekend, because he took to his blog to share his thoughts on the Trump tapes . . . thoughts which weren’t very insightful.
Adams is quite convinced that Donald Trump will win. Why’s that? Well, according to Adams, Trump has some sort of major secret that he’s been withholding against Hillary Clinton, and he’s been waiting for just the right time to release it.
For context, Trump is the guy who can’t keep a campaign manager for longer than a few months before their ties to Russia or something else becomes public and Trump fires them. Trump is the guy who’s rambling, unedited stream-of-thought dialogue oscillates between “philippic” and “comedic,” but never “secretive.” If Trump had some sort of secret information, he would’ve used that instead of the tired “crooked Hillary” insult on Twitter.
Actually, scratch that. Trump would probably use both and wind up making himself look like the braying jackass he is regardless what the information was.
Adams is nothing if not confident in Trump, though. In his post, he crafts a rather bizarre analogy for the election, noting that “Trump doesn’t need to outrun the bear. He only needs to outrun his camping buddy. There is still plenty of time for him to dismantle Clinton. If you think things are interesting now, just wait. There is lots more entertainment coming.”
He went on to suggest that it wasn’t a “Trump leak” and blamed the Clintons:
I assume that publication of this recording was okayed by the Clinton campaign. And if not, the public will assume so anyway. That opens the door for Trump to attack in a proportionate way. No more mister-nice-guy. Gloves are off. Nothing is out of bounds. It is fair to assume that Bill and Hillary are about to experience the worst weeks of their lives.
I’m sorry, that noise you heard was me snorting in derision. I mean, this sort of naiveté is just endearing. It makes me want to pat him on the head, give him a cookie, and tell him to go play in the street for a while.
Trump has handled this without the kid gloves since the beginning. The problem isn’t that he had the gloves off. The problem is that he’s functionally incapable of ratcheting the rhetoric up any higher than it already is, so Clinton can dance circles around him without even trying.
Even Adams seems to realize that:
If nothing new happens between now and election day, Clinton wins. The odds of nothing new happening in that timeframe is exactly zero.
Man, I wish I had that sort of confidence in anything. Instead, I think of Bertrand Russell, and I’m not sure why.
The problem here isn’t that Trump has held back; as Wonkette notes, the problem is that Trump just hasn’t been landing any punches.
Adams would then go on to explain that men are just like Donald Trump:
I assume that 75% of male heads of state, including our own past presidents, are total dogs in their private lives. Like it or not, Trump is normal in that world.
I’m not sure how that’s an endorsement. If anything, that just makes me want to vote for Clinton more. I’m tired of the “boys will be boys” bullshit excuse; men can be better than that. If they don’t want to be, that’s a different matter and worthy of its own sharply earned criticism, but to suggest that all men are entitled lazy shits like Trump because a handful is too damn lazy to change is pure misandry.
There’s some more in there about how Melania doesn’t have any right to complain about Trump and how Trump was telling the experience based on his life, before Adams then adopts a position that wouldn’t be unfamiliar to hardcore Islamic extremists, and then moves on trying to justify Trump’s behavior because gay people:
If the LGBTQ community wants to be a bit more inclusive, I don’t see why “polyamorous alpha male serial kisser” can’t be on the list. If you want to label Trump’s sexual behavior “abnormal” you’re on shaky ground.
“Polyamorous alpha male serial kisser.”
I mean, I want to be shocked by that. But I can’t muster it. I’ve heard it before — this is the same B.S. claim the Religious Right makes against gay people. And just like they’re wrong, so is Adams.
It goes back to a fundamental misunderstanding — or a willful misunderstanding — of what “consent” means. Having sex with multiple people because you want to and they want to is consent. Popping some Tic Tacs before you ram your hand down the pants of a woman while frenching her when she wants nothing to do with you has absolutely nothing in common with polyamorous relationships.
That’s sexual assault.
Adams’ characteristic confidence comes through when he claims that Trump has a “98% chance” of winning, since “[t]he shy Trump supporter demographic just tripled.”
That’s kinda funny, since FiveThrityEight’s polls give trump a 22.1% chance of winning. But hey, maybe the people in charge of FiveThrityEight are byproducts of the Dilbert Principle, since as we all know, someone as confident and thoughtful as Scott Adams could never, ever be wrong.
I still haven’t figured out why I keep hearing Bertrand Russell in my head, though.
Feature image via social media