It used to be that I would wake up on Saturdays and wonder if I’d missed my favorite cartoons. Bleary-eyed, I’d make myself a cup of cocoa and some cinnamon toast to dip in it (don’t judge me), and I’d settle in for Kidd Video or M.A.S.K. But that was more than 30 years ago.
Now when I wake up on Saturdays, all the laughs and excitement I need are on Donald Trump’s Twitter. You’ve got your big belly laughs from outright lies. You’ve got your mystery and intrigue from his incoherent ramblings. There are the fights that break out in the comments and replies. If Trump had an animated sidekick, I might actually be enjoying this presidency.
But that’s not that case. Instead, his lies cause more than intrigue. In fact, he tried to lie Saturday morning about a potential collaboration with the most powerful Democrat in America:
I called Chuck Schumer yesterday to see if the Dems want to do a great HealthCare Bill. ObamaCare is badly broken, big premiums. Who knows!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 7, 2017
See, that would have been amazing if it were true. It would have been like the time Skeletor had to join forces with He-Man to prevent Evilseed from taking over Eternia, only with, you know, legislation. Sadly, it was not true. It was yet another ruse by Trump to make
Eternia America think he wanted to work with the good guys.
Senator Schumer set the record straight Saturday morning, and like a kids’ cartoon, the plot twist was pretty predictable:
The president wanted to make another run at repeal and replace and I told [him] that’s off the table. If he wants to work together to improve the existing health care system, we Democrats are open to his suggestions.”
In fact, Schumer was still busy dealing with blowback from Trump’s rollback of the contraception mandate on Friday. If you think about it, it was like if Greedy Smurf took a huge piece of Smurfberry pie, then asked Papa Smurf the next day if he could have the rest.
Obviously, Trump hadn’t checked Schumer’s Twitter since his fateful decision on women’s rights. I mean, why would he? His own is obviously the only important timeline. But if he had, he’d have seen that ol’ Chuck was already none too pleased with him. He might even have figured out on his own that calling would be a waste of a Friday night. Better to just get some sleep and get up early for cartoons.
Featured image via Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images
Andrew hates long walks on the beach, glitter, and men’s rights activists. He can usually be found with his long-suffering wife, who can usually be found asking him to please not order onions on that burger, babe.